Jokes

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?" Her
mother told her, "God sent you."
Did God send you, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear," the mother replied.
"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted.
He sent them also," the mother said.
"Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child.
"Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.
"So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years!
No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."

Joke 2
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community.
All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home,
but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he
took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the
collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening
his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will
dine with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was 
afraid, because I was naked." 

Joke 3
A confused nine-year-old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or
female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,” Well God is both male and
female."

This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"

At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,

"Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks...

"Is God Michael Jackson?"

Joke 4
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."



His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug
store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."



Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some
noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out
popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be
better in two weeks.



Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction.



He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise
and printed out the following message:



Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.

Joke 4

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets
handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird
with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks
why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird
with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and
says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets
handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two
guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a
stone.''
   
Mind the dirty parts or any offensive things to certain people . They are just jokes and nothing more.